We have cruised a lot in our lives, especially in the past two years. As full-time travelers we enjoy using the sea instead of the sky to move from continent to continent. Together we have sailed on six different cruise lines, traversed the globe like a Spanish navigator, and we are still booking more cruises for the upcoming year.

Before our global sabbatical, I sailed around the world on cruise ships managing the onboard youth program. All that to say… I feel comfortable talking about onboard experiences.

Here are five things you should know whether it’s your first cruise or you’re about to take your fiftieth:

Wi-Fi is Slow

Shipboard Wi-Fi has come a long way over the years, but it is still quite slow. But you’re in vacation mode, so just relax.

In many places in the world, the Wi-Fi simply will not work. I heard a lady complaining once about the Wi-Fi when we were circumnavigating Iceland. Hello, lady! We’re practically in the Arctic. You can leave Facebook alone for a few days and it will all be okay.

Many ships are now connecting with Starlink satellites for higher-speed service, whether they use Starlink branding or not. But this still depends on the location of the ship (less satellites point to the middle of the ocean), and whether the ship throttles the bandwidth to limit their costs.

Just keep your connectivity expectations low and you’ll be set.

The Coffee is Bad

Onboard coffee generally lacks flavor and complexity. Cruise passengers will complain if the coffee is too strong, so it gets brewed to the most infantile tastes. Ships typically have a coffee stand offering “specialty” espresso-based drinks, either for a fee or as part of beverage packages. We have tried onboard espresso and have still been left disappointed.

So we bring our own! We travel with a small French press and ground coffee, and use hot water from the lido buffet. It works great! We also bring tolerable instant coffee packets, such as Starbucks VIA. If a delicious, steaming mug of joe is important to you, consider bringing your own on board.

Safety First!

Lining up on deck with your life jacket is a long-running process on embarkation day. The COVID pandemic created a shift to a more modern approach. Whatever the process is, don’t take this info for granted! Know your muster station and where it is located. If you happen to hear alarms onboard, stop talking during announcements and listen carefully. It is most likely only a crew drill as those take place weekly. But! Emergencies happen when you least expect it, so pay attention and follow directions. For example a recent collision in Europe was in the early morning and possibly caused by an unexpected storm that suddenly passed through.

Guests are Pests

Ship employees will be nice to you but they don’t want to be your friend.

Don’t pester employees while they’re eating or out in port. They may smile back but they are on a break from work and need personal space, too. The only exception is if you’re going to give them a compliment or say thank you. Or if you’re legitimately lost or need help.

One time I was at the airport going home after a contract and happened to be wearing the company sweatshirt. A panicked woman approached me for help checking in to her flight without any of her belongings. She had just been on the same ship and had been stranded with no luggage or identification and didn’t know what to do. Of course I helped! Just don’t be that person that interrupts a table of crew members to complain about a typo in the daily program.

Laundry Service is Available

One of the last things people think about on a cruise is doing chores. Some of us want clean clothes to bring home, some might be messy eaters, and others may be on a long cruise. You might be nodding your head reading this because you are all three! No matter the reason, most ships offer a way for you to wash your clothes without ringing out your socks in the bathroom sink.

Some ships have self-service laundromat rooms, either for free or for about $6 USD per load. Bring your own soap (we use soap-sheets for portability) to save money!

All ships offer laundry services, including dry-cleaning and pressing, at rates similar to land-based services. The deal here is to ask your cabin steward or guest services for a “bag special,” where an entire bag can be washed and folded for a flat rate of typically $20 USD. On certain lines this is done midway through the cruise, and on other lines (like Holland America) it is always an option.

This Cruise Critic article summarizes the laundry situation across the various lines.

Finally, certain lines will allow their highest-level elites to have unlimited complimentary laundry service, a valuable perk!

We are happy to share our knowledge and to keep learning more! Please comment below or reach out to us if you have any questions!